Love is far more than just romance or family —the platonic love of close friendships is constantly overlooked. American society places pressure on romantic partners to fulfil that vast majority of a person’s emotional needs. This expectation completely neglects the essential role of platonic love in a healthy adult’s life. Close healthy friendships are critical to a happy and fulfilling life, and the role of this platonic love is criminally undervalued.
The American day is structured around the nuclear family. Picture a heterosexual couple in their single-family home wakes up with their 1.9 kids, they go to work and school, and then they reconvene together at the end of the day for dinner. The couple’s friends from college may have moved away or have become busy with their own children, and the time they spend together becomes few and far between. As the days turn into years, a romantic partner can quickly become the only other adult to rely on.
The expectation that one’s romantic partner is the primary, and often sole, emotionally invested relationship in someone’s life puts undue pressure on one person to satisfy every emotional need a person might have. A good partner must be ready to listen and comfort through life’s troubles while also being the one to join you for life’s adventures. There is nothing wrong with this on the surface, but when two people must be each other’s everything all the time, love can become a chore rather than a joy. In a healthier lifestyle, the joys and sorrows of life are shared among many who you love, platonically or otherwise.
Love is more than romance. Love is a deep and profound connection with another person: loyalty, compassion, care and understanding between two souls. Friendship is the purest form of love, and forms the basis of a healthy support network. The ability to build and maintain close, meaningful friendships is so important that it can literally make you live longer.
Close platonic connections between friends can often be misconstrued when one views relationships through the lens that romance is the primary form of love. Friends are present to celebrate successes and mourn losses, just like any partner would, but relying on a friend is not everyone’s first line of defense. Women are more likely than men to turn to a friend for emotional support. . The expectations of masculinity are of stoicism and strength, not needing the “feminine” emotional support of friends. Men are expected to only show vulnerability with their female romantic partner, and deviation from this can result in shame and criticism.
The devaluation of non-romantic relationships creates a lonely society where romance is the only possible meaningful relationship. It is impossible to ignore this seeming downward spiral where fewer friends makes us lonelier, which then makes us need friends more, making us even unhappier.
The world we live in is a harsh one: the job market is a mess, our generation is becoming more politically polarized and the US Surgeon General has determined loneliness is an epidemic. The cure to loneliness is meaningful connection, and in order to foster meaningful connections, we must acknowledge the value of platonic love and all that it adds to our lives. We must make the conscious choice to prioritize meaningful friendships in our lives, and encourage others to do the same.
Do not undervalue your friends and the love you have for each other: foster these relationships and you will benefit tremendously. Your life will not only be longer, but more enriched and meaningful.
Don’t forget to tell your friends you love them, and mean it.