Note: This is a companion piece to Parker Avery’s article, here.
In a world where the default form of communication is texting, one of the most disrespectful actions people can do is not text someone back. While you do not need to be on call 24/7 and put down whatever you are doing to respond immediately to a text message, taking longer than roughly a day to respond to people is rude and inconsiderate.
Texting is the preferred communication of the majority of Americans under 50, making it the default communication option when you are asking a friend to make plans, asking your parents for photos of the family pet, trying to see if a coworker could switch shifts or trying to find a time to meet up with a group project. Failing to respond promptly can disrupt plans and signal a lack of respect for the other person’s time.
America has one of the most individualistic cultures in the world, and one of the symptoms of this in today’s culture is the view that you do not owe the people in your life anything. Some argue that the needs and wants of others should be each person’s top priority, and that asking someone to go out of their way is wrong — that you should never ask your friends for a ride to the airport or ask for help moving. Viewing relationships in this manner has us treating our friends the same way we treat a cashier—transactional. Not only is this view isolating it devalues the relationships in our lives in a way that degrades the fabric of community thread by thread.
The idea that you should owe no one anything easily translates into a mindset that you do not owe someone a text back. It comes at the expense of those left waiting on you, framing interaction and communication with your friends as a chore or task, instead of an important and enjoyable part of maintaining meaningful relationships.
This outlook, in combination with the digital format of texting, can make it feel like you are interacting with someone random online instead of a good friend or family member. This makes it much easier to write off your behavior’s impact on the person on the other side of the phone.
Whether scheduling imminent plans or just sending a funny picture that reminds you of a friend, it is incredibly frustrating to wait days for a response, or not even get one. It is deeply hurtful to be ignored or deprioritized by a friend, and even more so to be ghosted by one. In a world where so many of our interactions are digital, neglecting a friend like we would a news notification pushes us closer to a culture that dehumanizes connection.
One of the most basic forms of respect you can show another person is to respect their time, especially by communicating rather than pushing them off to the side. People owe it to those in their lives to show them respect in the form of responsiveness within a reasonable time period rather than ignoring them.
There are times when a response is not warranted, but the circumstances making one unable to respond for days on end ought to be few and far between.
Ignoring texts from the people in your life for days on end is not only disrespectful of their time but is just plain rude. It costs nothing but a little bit of time to reply to someone and pay them the basic respect of communication. Reflecting on the people in your life, the amount they value your relationship, and how much they respect your time through texting can be a valuable exercise when considering where you should put your effort going forward.