Middle school and high school are major phases of life, times when our brains undergo massive changes in a new and challenging environment. These environments subject us to new stressors and responsibilities that we must learn to cope with. My coping mechanism was finding music that spoke to whatever I felt I was going through. For younger me, the music of My Chemical Romance and All Time Low helped me through the strange new experiences I was trying to navigate, and turning back to this music today helps me understand who I am.
Sometime in the seventh grade, it felt as though I was conscious for the first time. I suddenly was thinking far more about the world around me than I ever had before, from the controversial presidential race of 2016 to the new passive-aggressive behavior from the girls who used to be my good friends. I felt more alone than I ever had before, and no adults were willing to engage in serious philosophical or political conversations with a twelve-year-old. None of the other kids at school seemed to care about the same things I did.
At the same time, I also had access to the internet in unprecedented ways with my first smartphone. Gone were the days of relying on my school-issued Chromebook for entertainment — I now could explore the uncharted lands of Youtube and Spotify. As I explored the vast expanses of internet culture, I discovered a treasure trove of media that felt like it was speaking directly to me. The tail end of the mainstream relevance of Emo music still had its hands in the music charts, from Panic! At the Disco’s “Death of a Bachelor” album to Billy Talent’s “Afraid of Heights.”
The music I discovered explored the negative emotions that I was feeling more deeply than ever before. Green Day’s music helped me understand my anger at the world around me that sometimes left me feeling like I was yelling into a void and only hearing the echoes of my own voice in return. My Chemical Romance’s “Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge” told stories of strife and disappointment, being candid enough to simply title a song “I’m Not Okay (I Promise).” When you are a teenager drowning in emotions, emotionally honest and raw music feels like being invited onto a lifeboat when you were previously stranded out at sea.
In small, unseen ways, the music I listened to shaped the person I’ve become today. I learned how to identify exactly what I was feeling, not just upset but angry that I couldn’t vote in an election I felt passionate about or sad that I worked hard in swim practice but did not see the progress that I wished for. From making a band T-shirt quilt to knowing which brands make truly waterproof eyeliner, and even candidly speaking about the emotions I feel, the music I listened to in middle school undeniably shaped the person I am today.
When I am once again feeling lost in a sea of sadness, the music that once helped me get through a difficult day of middle school now helps me when I get angry about construction around campus or sad about the sheer volume of double integrals required to complete my homework. When you start feeling again like the emotional teen you once were, let yourself take comfort in the music, or other media, that brought you community and solace in the past, again.