No matter who you are or how well you’re doing in life, there will always be something you can improve on: eating more whole foods, reading more, decreasing your screen time, being kinder or focusing more on success in school. Simultaneously, we all feel a need to constantly project the image to the world around us that we are continually at the peak of our lives — that we’re getting the best grades possible, in the best shape possible, and just the best person we could possibly be.
When we admit that we are on a journey of self-improvement, we are also admitting to the world that the way we are currently isn’t the best we could possibly be. Somehow, this choice to be better than we were yesterday instead makes us a failure for not already being perfect. This constant push for perfection makes it shameful to even admit that there is a facet of your life that you are choosing to prioritize and improve.
One of the pieces of consumerist culture that lives right beneath the surface is the constant push for perfection, from Pilates influencers with perfect bodies to CEOs claiming anyone could be in their shoes if they worked harder. No matter which way you look, it is not hard to find someone who runs marathons for fun, who gets straight As or who has somehow never disappointed their parents. Admitting in any way that we are diverging from this cultural expectation makes us feel that we are suddenly the biggest failure on the face of the earth. Then, the shame sets in.
Instead of being willing to admit to anyone that you’re studying more or going to the gym regularly with the intention of improving your grades or fitness, you have to somehow hide this fact from the people you spend the most time around. When your friends ask how your day went, you omit the hours you spent studying or the soreness in your legs from squatting with a barbell for the first time in years. When your parents ask how school is going, you tell them that it’s just the same old routine, nothing worth noting.
The shame and embarrassment builds and builds until it feels like there’s an entire new side of your identity that you have to keep secret from the people around you. It starts to feel like you are hiding some sort of horrible habit, but the horrible secret is that you’ve chosen to dedicate your time and effort to improving yourself.
The shame multiplies in intensity if anyone ever mentions this improvement that has become your most closely held secret. If anyone mentions that they’ve noticed you’re in better shape or that you’re now more actively participating in class, you feel like you’ve suddenly been exposed for committing some sort of crime. This part of your life that you’ve been fighting to keep secret has been noticed by somebody, and therefore, they noticed that you weren’t perfect in the first place.
This shame often goes unspoken, leaving everyone on a journey of self-improvement feeling like they are walking that road completely alone. Instead of letting positive life changes continue to be stigmatized, we should view people who admit there is something that they need to change as strong and even brave. Regardless of what type of change they are initiating, they are embarking on a journey that can often feel isolating and embarrassing when instead they should be celebrated for the positive life changes they are choosing to make.
Whether you’ve been focusing on learning how to cook more balanced meals or you’re committing to keeping your GPA higher going forward, your effort to improve yourself is commendable and is not something to be embarrassed about. Instead of tip-toeing around it if someone points out your self-improvement goals, take the opportunity to be proud of yourself and the work that you have done.