8:17 AM: She looks so beautiful when she sleeps. I am the luckiest guy in the world to have found a girl like her. I’ve made sure to give her the #2K16 Valentine’s day she deserves, unlike
10:23 AM: How many oranges does it take to make a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice? Ask the stinging cuts on my hands. But it’s totally worth it because she’s worth it. Unfortunately, she never got to taste how delicious breakfast was because she said something abut a gluten free, no fat, anti-red, no-juice diet cleanse.
11:02 PM: I just gave her the first part of her Valentine’s day present. I got her a teddy bear so large, I had to throw out some furniture to make room for it. The bear was holding those pastel colored chalky candy hearts and those chocolates that look delicious. Again, she wanted to avoid fat, but that’s okay.
1:38 PM: I took my girlfriend out on a picnic for lunch. It was nice and quiet. We didn’t speak at all. Just sat there and gazed at the clouds in the sky. Our relationship as gotten so strong that sometimes we don’t need to speak to communicate. We can just send signals to
one another with our brains.
3:44 PM: She said she’s always wanted to do it, so I gave in and signed us up for a couples massage. It was a relaxing experience. I must say, I was slightly disappointed because she insisted on separate rooms, but as long as we enjoyed it together.
6:29 PM: I presented her with a small box. She didn’t like that. She hates small boxes, but joke’s on her. Inside were the keys to the brand new black convertible sitting outside. Never has taking a second mortgage on the apartment been so much more worth it.
7:30 PM: I made reservations to this restaurant a year and a half before we started dating — just to be prepared. It was a 22nd century restaurant. All of our food came in the form of foam and steam. Except for dessert, which came in this advanced form where you couldn’t see it, touch it, smell it or taste it. It was delicious.
9:00 PM: After dessert, the quartet was brought out — no, not a string quartet in the middle of a 22nd century state of the are restaurant. No, this was an EDM quartet getting ready to serenade her as I got down on one knee and presented her with a platinum encrusted diamond purity ring.
11:00 PM: We got into our Star Wars onseies and headed off to bed. She was too tired to “Hulu and Hang.” I understand though, she’s had a long day being pampered. That can be incredibly exhausting.
12:00 AM: Nothing. There was nothing on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Vine, or Triller. No PicStitches, no saga professing her love for me, no #myvalentine #bestboyfriendever #iloveyoutothemoonandback or the classic #blessed. Nothing. After everything I did all day. Nothing.
8:00 AM: Turns out she did do something thoughtful for me on Valentine’s Day. She bought me six-pairs of white socks and was upset that I hadn’t said anything about it all day. If only I hadn’t been too self absorbed yesterday to realize I have the best girlfriend in the world. Maybe I won’t screw up next Valentine’s Day.