Assassin’s Creed: Rogue is definitely sub-par

I am the least skilled person to have ever come into contact with a video game controller. It took me three tries to get past the opening mission of Grand Theft Auto: IV.

The hardest part of playing Super Mario 64 was finding my way into the giant castle placed right in front of the player.

I still do not even know how to play Tetris, if you need further proof of my lacking controller skills.

However, one game series has actually captured my interest time and time again: Assassin’s Creed.

I was massively entertained by the first Assassin’s Creed, having recently come off a Prince of Persia binge. Running freely around Middle Age cities, indiscriminately slaughtering innocent guards and falling off buildings with few repercussions is all I’ve ever wanted to do.

Assassin’s Creed II, as many gamers say, is one of the best video games ever created. The striking colors and sounds of Renaissance Italy, along with double hidden blades and the ability to touch water without dying, were absolutely breathtaking.

Despite several fans’ criticisms, I really enjoyed Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood and Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. The new gameplay additions, while sometimes contrived, were still really fun to experience.

Assassin’s Creed III and Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag both sold me entirely. I have never hunted in real life, but I’m pretty sure I pushed the deer population of North America towards extinction after my playthroughs.

Recently, Ubisoft announced that they will be releasing two games at the same time in 2014: Assassin’s Creed: Unity, to be played on next-gen consoles, and Assassin’s Creed: Rogue, a game to played on current-gen consoles.

While Unity promises exciting new gameplay, amazing crowd interaction dynamics and a breathtaking setting, Rogue just looks like a cheap copy of Black Flag.

The fifteen minutes I spent watching the Rogue gameplay video was the most disappointing waste of time since The Last Airbender.

A strangely-accented man insincerely tried to persuade viewers that shooting icebergs to reveal ship-building materials was both plausible and entertaining. He also finished almost every sentence with “just like in Black Flag” and sounded incredibly bored, paralleling the audience.

The visuals of the game look completely identical to Black Flag, albeit with several setbacks. When the main character tries to hang his rifle on his back, he instead holds it up, after which it teleports onto his other arm.

There are awkward glitches in the parkour animations, which have long been the hallmark of the series. Finally, the ship animations look like recycled, downgraded versions of the fresh Black Flag visuals.

As a longtime Ubisoft fanboy, I am unbelievably disappointed by this blatant, lazy cash-grab. Assassin’s Creed: Rogue promises almost nothing in new content, and its clear flaws will ultimately condemn it to obscurity.