I have no idea what I’m doing…

Photo by Elliott Brockelbank

I think it’s funny how just because I have three more years’ experience than the youngest members on campus, I’m expected to be some wise sage able to deal with any problems that come my way. While I can’t put a finger on exactly when this transition came about, I find it laughable that we create some mystical doorway that somehow transformed “Freshman Ian” into “Senior Ian” and supposedly makes the latter an expert on everything from Tech academics to searching for jobs.

The scary truth is that I have no idea what I’m doing.

No, I am not saying that I minced through my editorship like I would a field of daisies, quite the contrary. Being editor was one of the most difficult, most empowering and, in all honesty, one of the most humbling experiences I’ve had so far at Tech.

I’ve made missteps (you should not ever, I repeat, ever, attempt to pick up your professor) and I’ve had moments where I’m incredibly proud of what my staff has accomplished (breaking stories about on-campus crime has its draw). I’ve been on the receiving end of anger and hurt ranging from an unhappy advertising customer to murmurs of extreme displeasure from important campus figures. I think I know at least a little bit about how to run a college paper.

My life, however, is somewhat of a mess. Where I’m going to live, what I’m doing in less than 12 months and even the state of my personal life are about to go through major (and terrifying) changes. And to top it off, my growing sense of apathy for school and the resultant procrastination and slacking give me ample opportunity to mull over the next year of my life.

Even so, I can barely wait for my commencement ceremony in December. I can’t wait to see Tech from the outside, can’t wait to enter the ranks of the fabled “real people” and can’t wait to actually sleep enough. Will Tech be worth it? Basically every graduating Technique member has seemed to deal with this central question in their final editorials. Real talk: I don’t know.

As with everyone who has decided to attend Tech, my life has been redirected as a result of attending classes, building relationships and toiling through the Tech experience. I know my life is different and I will love this institute till I die, but is my life better? Better simply because I chose one of the ten schools I looked at? Better because I decided I’d start designing for a small student publication named the Technique?

Let me get back to you in January 2015.

If you’re still with me here, thank you. I don’t do introspective and have a tendency to ramble when I try to reflect. I’ll leave you one last thought: Though I feel like merely a grasshopper in the shadow of the proverbial giants that have come before me at Tech, I hope I’ve been able to plant the seed of at least one tree I will never sit under. I hope Tech students continue to want to do the same.