Jack Gelbe: your fearless leader

Good evening, America.

It is my pleasure to inform you, as I am sure it is your pleasure to hear, that I have rightfully won one of the most prestigious offices that the state of Georgia has to offer: freshman class representative for the Georgia Institute of Technology.

Give yourselves a hand, for over the past week, you have made history. My friends, tonight is a night of celebration.

I would first like to thank the SGA organizers for their tireless efforts to regulate the freshman campaign. Even my personal experiences can illustrate the extents to which the organizers went to make our race a fair one. I cannot find words to describe how hard these men and women have worked; just imagine tearing down $250 worth of posters in the Student Center by yourself.

I would also like to thank the talented artists that designed my poster, the dedicated bloggers that managed my Twitter and Instagram pages and my 2200 new Facebook friends. Through hundreds of event invites, friend requests and pokes, I have found a new family. With the work of my supporters, I now feel confident and ready to lead the Class of 2017.

I certainly haven’t forgotten my opposition. I made strong connections with each of them while my supporters and I removed their posters from the dorms.

Yes, tonight is certainly meant for celebration.

But tomorrow, we must go back to work as all responsible freshman class representatives do. Tomorrow, I will begin taking ideas for the five-point plan that was the backbone of my campaign. In doing this, I will return Tech to its true roots.

Freedom has always been central to the Jack Gelbe platform, and this will not change during the eight months of tenure that I have been awarded. I need to exercise my own freedoms as freshman class representative and expose the frankly unpatriotic displays that I have seen around campus if I want to see order restored.

I have seen several students acting as patrons for products of other schools, states and even countries.

Subway recently started using UGA cups, as if to spite our good faith in its unreasonably good deals.

The number of international students at Tech has grown at an unprecedented rate. The silence during the Star-Spangled Banner during the football game was, frankly, depressing.

Finally, there is an alarming number of polo shirts on campus. Do you know who invented polo shirts? The French. Do you know what the French are? Socialists.

It is clear that you, as a student body, have a lot of progress to make. Sure, no campus is perfect. But not every campus has me. This is why I have come up with the first idea in my five-point plan — make campus better.

I trust that you will continue to swell with support as you have done for the past week, and I hope that my ideas will help you to grow throughout your college experience.

So, make campus better.