The end of crime at Tech, a modest proposal

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There are those that question the safety of Tech campus. They may have their doubts, but the sheer extravagance of Campus Safety Day should throw these dissenters into harsh disavowal; that day alone portrayed the seriousness of GTPD. Yet because I am a patriot who knows they can’t go the fight alone, I find that it is an integral part of my creed as an American to help defend the rights and promote the self-interests of all parties, even those I may not fully agree with. It is for that reason that I am compelled to offer a modest proposal.

It is my humble opinion that we can eradicate campus crime in its entirety through the strategic deployment of unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs).

We must stand together and vote yes to allow drones on campus.

Our uniformed officers can only deliver so much justice with their current technological constraints, and it is because of this that I am merely proposing that we give our police force the upper hand in the war on crime.

With new legislation concerning concealed carry on campus making its way to the Georgia General Assembly, what better time is there to talk about this issue than now?

What better way is there to keep tabs on every square inch of campus at once while also having the capacity to disarm would-be criminals? Patrol cars, bikes and segways can only weave through intricate campus pathways so quick. We need something that isn’t limited to physicals barriers on the ground. We need the precision of a highly trained officer with a bird’s eye view of the battlefield and the ability to deliver a well-coordinated, strategic ballistic strike on a whim. This is why, when the time comes, we must stand together and vote yes to allow drones on campus.

It goes without saying that a project of this size would cause on campus student employment to skyrocket.

Now I know you still may have your hesitations with allowing flying death machines to freely roam our airspace, but think of the educational benefits. These drones could be designed and built by our very own aerospace engineering department. Creating and maintaining these drones would give our engineers the real world experience that is so desired in the hiring process.

Take a minute to think of the economic benefits that a fleet of this size would provide. This is just what our institute needs in order to find its way out of the recession we currently wallow in today. It goes without saying that a project of this size would cause on-campus student employment to skyrocket, both literally and figuratively. Those unable to find jobs at the gym, Student Center or library would have no trouble finding well paying jobs on the factory floor. Computer Science majors could write the planes’ code, civil engineers could build the runways and public policy students could handle the various, but small legal issues that might arise. Every major could contribute in its own way to create one self-sustaining collegiate economy.

As a freedom-loving American I know that, in my heart, that this is the only way forward for our institute and secure the trust of those who still feel unsafe on campus.