Photo by Tyler Meuter

There was a study a while back that suggested that most, if not all, women are human beings deserving of respect. The findings of that research are not widely accepted.

If you do not identify as a guy who hates women, feel free to continue reading, but that’s my target audience for today.

Guys. It’s time to start respecting women. Stop rolling your eyes, asshole; I’m serious. It’s time we had a talk about the “f” word. Feminism.

“Ugh,” you grunt, looking for something else to read. “What is it with the Technique and these social and political posts lately?”

Shut up. Feminism is not about oppressing men like you think it is. It’s also not about “killing all men.” No, it’s not. That is called “misandry,” and it’s bad too. Look it up in your favorite dictionary. Feminism is about equity: empowering women and removing the barriers in their way. Hopefully not by killing all men.

“But I didn’t put the barriers there,” you say without reading the whole editorial first. “I am being oppressed. YOU’RE sexist for writing this.”

Sure, ok.

Women on the whole get paid less than men, minority women in particular. Hijab-specific self-defense is a thing now and is growing in popularity. A high-school girl got suspended for not wearing a bra to class, even though it wasn’t a violation of the dress code. Women are blamed for abuse inflicted upon them, and it has happened to women you know. A convicted rapist got three to six months instead of 15–25 years because his little feelings got hurt (he’s being released on Sep. 2). Women get drugged, stabbed and shot for saying no to guys. If you think any of those things are not good, you might be a feminist.

“No I’m not,” you retort in 0.1 seconds. “Women don’t try hard enough at work and lie about being raped and feminazi and … ” you go on for 15 minutes in the Men’s Rights subreddit.

Considering guys are the cause of each of those things, maybe men are to blame and not women.

“If she wasn’t wearing that outfit, she’d be fine,” you victim blame with scary conviction. Let me translate: “if she had dressed differently, he would have assaulted someone else or maybe her anyway.” Yeah, men are definitely not to blame here.

Women are judged for their decisions on almost anything: makeup, tattoos, children, food, hair length, weight and 500 other things probably. Last I checked, women were allowed to make decisions without your input. Yes, I am including transgender women, because they are women and I’m talking about women. Non-binary people are included too. Regardless, no one has ever wanted to hear your bigoted opinions. If you have to be judgemental in order to survive, at least keep it to yourself.

“You’re an SJW shill,” you include in a death threat in the comments section (please don’t actually).

If you make death threats, you are human excrement reincarnated. It’s not funny, pretty sure it’s psychopathic, and you could just not do it. Responses like “that’s just how things are online” only serve to reinforce the status quo, which sucks for non-straight-white-males.

Women in particular have been getting death threats for years on social media, made worse by harassment reporting tools that consider individual death threats as acceptable. It has led to SWAT hoaxes and even suicides, yet only recently has it registered with law enforcement and policy-makers in general. Before you say cops are behind the times, just remember that they figured out Twitter mighty quick when they were the ones being threatened recently, leading to actual arrests. Before you say that women need thicker skin, rhinos don’t have thick enough skin to deal with dozens or hundreds of losers getting off on sending them threats. And their skin is up to two inches thick, fun fact.

“Death threats are horrible, sometimes women aren’t treated with respect, and wow rhino skin is pretty thick,” you admit. “But I’m still not a feminist.”

Alright fine, maybe you don’t send death threats, maybe you have a few molecules of distaste for the treatment of women in society, and a group of rhinos is called a crash, which is amazing. Maybe you realize “feminazi” is something you heard from your dumbass friends. Admit it: the reason you’re not a feminist is because it has the word “feminine” in it. If the word were descended from anything other than “femina” (or if it were called “common sense”), you’d be down. Well, I’m sorry that our Latin roots did this to you, but you’re either a feminist or a terrible human being.

I suggest some introspection here, in your own voice, because a fragile masculinity can be a dangerous thing. It makes some men want to buy whiskey-scented “mandles” and extreme dude milk, which is hilarious. But it makes other men need an outlet for when their friable egos are shattered and violent ids unleashed.

The result is domestic violence, death threats, stabbing fans of the opposing sports team, an unhealthy obsession with 2A rights and probably at least several wars throughout history. Less violently, it’s the anti-women language in the workforce that keeps them out; it’s why sons are taught how to keep the juices inside of roasted meat before being told women deserve respect; it’s the reason “Teen Titans” and “Young Justice” were cancelled if you care about nothing else. At the limit, it’s the patriarchy that we live in today.

Now, my past editorials have been criticized for being one-sided in believing that racism is bad, so I’ll consider the other side of the argument this time around. Umm … OK, yeah, no, the other side of this argument is stupid too.

Empowering women benefits us all. The opposition is societal. Women can only do so much alone. They aren’t damsels in distress, but they would probably think it was neat if we did something helpful. So what can we men do to help?

Shut up. For real this time. It’s not about you anymore, or me. Listen to women, respect women and support women. Treat them like human beings. It turns out they are human after all.

I hope zero misogynists ever read this sentence. I hope it’s because I converted them all by this point and not because they stopped reading to leave angry comments online. It’s OK, though; those comments are usually hilarious. As incredible a writer as I am, I cannot convert everyone from being a terrible person.

I need your help.

We need your help.

I think rhinos are cool, and that’s why I’m a feminist.

  • JFalloon

    Women are already paid the same as men, the pay gap can already be attributed to women taking lower paying jobs or working less time, also the definition when in association with a movement is prescriptive not descriptive, meaning that the definition doesn’t describe what goals it has now, the definition only describes what its goals were when the movement started, also feminism is associated with kill all men, because of the #KillAllMen hashtag started by feminists

  • Spasmolytic

    #Mangina.

    • The One Ring

      You’re probably a troll, but the fact that you and others use vagina as an insult when associated with a man is part of the misogyny this article is talking about.

      • Fly Free

        He said Mangina…not Vagina. And when feminists stop using other male-centric derogatory terms for men, as WELL as female-centric ones, he’ll stop right away I am certain.

        Until then….

        • The One Ring

          Hahahaha wait wait wait, do you think that mangina is not an amalgamation of the words “man” and “vagina”? The whole point of the insult is that you are calling him the man version of a vagina for believing in feminism, which doesn’t make any sense because a vagina should never be an insult. Also as a feminist, I try not to call people “dicks” as well, for the same reason I don’t like the word mangina. Therefore, I have every right to call out the OP thank you very much. Regardless though, his comment was immature as hell

          • Puck

            stop mansplaining the one ring… wait

          • Fly Free

            Your accused and now you’re shifting your position…another logical fallacy of shifting the goalposts. Interesting…you’re trying to fill the dance card early I see.

            ” try not to call people “dicks” as well”

            As Yoda said, “Do or do not…there is no ‘Try’.”

            Which means you do use the term. So pot meet kettle.

            Anymore of your hypocrisy you wish to lay bare for us?

            “I have every right to call out the OP thank you ” You can do what you like, the country is still free. However you gain no ground by attacking the person with your own fallacious attacks.

            Just an FYI.

  • James Avis

    I’m so glad you respect the opinions of those who detract feminism. Therefore I shall treat your opinions with the same weight you do mine, then check the facts and go by them.

  • Eric Wooley

    This guy is out of touch with reality. Feminism is not what is says in the dictionary, it’s what it does, and what is does is despicable. I’m sure he makes a good lapdog.

  • thewatercarrier

    Is this satire? If so then well done sir.

  • token woman in comment section

    I’m a woman and this seems pretty chill

  • Fly Free

    “Admit it: the reason you’re not a feminist is because it has the word “feminine” in it.”

    As a bisexual male that is comfortable with himself, I can tell you this is a classic Red Herring. What I dislike in Feminism is not the name, or part of the name, or the root of the name. No. What any sane and rational egalitarian or MRA dislikes is the Dogma, the actual practice(which is misandric and hypocritical) and its pedigree reaching far back to days of antiquity.

  • The One Ring

    I completely agree! The few misandrists out there are completely overblown, and totally overshadowed by the amount of misogyny I still see in everyday life, and in this comments section

  • rergerger

    I’d love the feminist lot to tell me how bullying western men for sitting with their legs open and bitching incessantly about videogames and emojis while simultaneously ignoring an onslaught of anti-liberal crime in Europe and justifying rape and violence in the name of intersectional victimology should be the norm.

    And if you could stop reciting dictionary definitions and instead address the actual actions of the movement, such as lobbying against men’s shelters, men’s birth control and the acknowledgment of men as victims of female rape, that’d be fantastic because I can tell you all day long that this book here says the Moon is made of cheese and that’s not going to magically make it a reality.

  • jaysan

    mmmm white male tears

  • NHLfarmteams

    “you’re either a feminist or a terrible human being”…hmm. That may be the most asinine sentence in the entire load of twaddle this author decided to unleash on the world.

    So do I give credence to people who say if you’re not X then you’re Y? Am I supposed to be ashamed because someone with an indoctrinated, dogmatic belief system built entirely on a tautological social “theory” says so?

    Sorry Junior. You’re late to the shaming party. What is empowering about using bloated (at best) or completely biased social science surveys to keep women in a perpetual state of fear? What is empowering about using Identity Politics to divide groups of men vs. women, black vs, white, straight vs. gay etc?

    What is empowering about destroying community based on gender?

  • Soso

    Keep it coming brother 🙂

  • Ben Pierce

    While I’m all for equality, this article reads like it was written by a 10 year old after drinking 3 red bulls…

  • Oliver Pine

    Well I am not part of a rape culture. I do not make more money than my female counterparts. I know for a fact that women have agency right now. A woman has a right to dye her hair purple, run around naked and scream at every man she sees how much she hates them and wishes that they were castrated or dead. I am not the one that shames them. They shame each other. I don’t care how many men a woman sleeps with.

    I am not sorry that I do not have any respect for people that can do nothing better with their time than to look at every aspect of anything that could possibly be negative in a negative light and then project that onto to all manhood.

    Women do not have it bad. Period.

    I do not talk evil things about women. Feminists constantly talk evil things about me. I am told that I just have to take it when women flat out talk about how they hate all men, want to take away the rights of men, say that all men are serial rapists, murderers, peeping toms and so on and so on and so on.

    There is seemingly nothing else to talk about in this world where women in many ways have it better than men do than how horribly oppressed women are and how everything is a man’s fault.

    You are sexist for writing this. You are being sexist. You are saying that all men are putting down all women. You are wrong. That is why there is a reaction like there is to feminism.

    You cannot stand there and call people vile names that do not apply to them and expect them not to react. You are wrong.

  • Van

    As a 51-year-old woman who used to be proud to call herself a feminist but would never wear that label now, the problem is that extremists took over the feminist movement. Now it’s no longer about making society better; it’s about destroying it. The positivity of the Women’s Movement was hijacked by extremists who only care about abortion, progesterone-hating and lesbianism. Never mind that polls show that 50-60 percent of American women want tighter restrictions on abortion (common sense ones, like Switzerland has) – something “feminists” vehemently oppose (making them, technically, anti-women). Never mind that the vast majority of women desire loving relationships with men and want help making them work (and get no help from feminism). Never mind that our workplace fulfillment is no longer as pressing an issue as our home life (as we become overwhelmed single moms who wish we could stop working altogether, or we find ourselves sandwiched between taking care of kids & nursing our aged parents) – feminists only want to spout false facts about wage gaps that don’t exist and rape statistics that are horribly inflated, ignoring what’s really going on with women. There is no way could become the norm, because it ignores the norm (and even hates and fights against the norm) – as a proud, working woman, I hope feminism dies a horrible death so we can get back to a women’s movement that actually addresses the concerns and desires of WOMEN.