L’amour is in the air… or perhaps more accurately, anxiety, expectations and maybe a little general queasiness is floating around out there thanks to our favorite martyr, St. Valentine. The heated debate over the legitimacy of this holiday does nothing to negate its steady encroachment on our lives nor to stifle the nearly palpable stigma that comes along with it. In light of its inevitability (and perhaps also the general queasiness), we’ve assembled a litany of Valentine’s Day faux pas that everyone would do well to observe to have a stress-free and possibly even enjoyable Valentine’s Day.
Guys
1) Don’t Forget: This is the cardinal sin of Valentine’s Day. Write it down, tie a knot on your finger—do something to remember unless you want to regret it for the rest of your relationship or life (whichever comes first).
2) Don’t Get Tricked: The whole “let’s not get each other presents” idea is ALWAYS a trap. Don’t be a fool. Don’t fall for this trick. Always be prepared.
3) Don’t Joke: Girls still love a sense of humor, but don’t make any really immature jokes, especially of the “That’s what she said” variety—it will totally kill the Valentine mood.
4) Don’t Be Typical: Sure, dinner and a movie is always nice, but it’s Valentine’s Day. Try to be a bit more creative. Add some spontaneity to your date.
5) Don’t Be Stingy: Nobody likes a miser. Plus, bringing up the price tag (of dinner, flowers, etc.) is a fast way to not get any compensation for all your hard work.
Girls
1) Don’t Expect (Anything): The less you hope for the better; it’s just not going to be as good as you think it will be. Besides, if you have no expectations, you won’t be disappointed.
2) Don’t Pretend: We all know you want a Valentine—the card and the chocolates and the flowers; don’t be afraid to admit it to yourself.
3) Don’t Pester: Don’t even hint; it’ll only be annoying, and he’s not going to forget (because he’s reading this article, too). Not to mention, then both you and he can be proud that he surprised you all by himself.
4) Don’t Feel Pressured: It’s a big day, but it may not be THE big day; don’t let the excessive pheromones skew your sense of judgment.
5) For all the single ladies- Don’t Let the Day Get You Down: oys aren’t the only thing in life to live for. Go out with your friends; it will be way more fun.
Guys & Girls
1) Don’t Lie, Cheat or Steal: It may seem obvious that you shouldn’t do these on any day of the year if you plan on having a successful relationship, but just to make sure all the bases are covered, don’t do any of them on Valentine’s Day.
2) Don’t Do Exes: Literally. It’s a bad idea to ever bring them up, but Valentine’s Day is a day to be extra cautious.
3) Don’t Do First Dates: Valentine’s usually implies relationships, not casual dates. If you’re looking to ask someone out, wait a week or at least another day. This will take some of the pressure off of being super romantic.
4) Don’t Break Up: This might be the ultimate devastation. Nip it in the bud or wait it out.
5) Don’t Say “I hate Valentine’s Day:” At this point, it’s almost too cliché. As much as you might dislike the day, try to embrace the triteness and play along with Hallmark’s scam.